Mornings are always the same.
I wake up around o-dark-thirty, not-so-quietly tiptoe to the bathroom,
No, Boys, you cannot go outside yet. No, Boys, it is not time for your breakfast kibble yet. Lay down, Boys! Dante, gotobed!
get dressed and washed and brushed,
Actually, I just pick out clothes. Natey still, yes, still, nurses in the morning when he wakes at 5:45 and, until I decide I want to actually wake the house up at 5:45, I will nurse him back to sleep at 5:45. And no, I can't nurse in my day to day clothes anymore--done with the daily cami and cardigan, finally!
tiptoe to the kitchen, across the toy littered living room, to pour my bowl of cereal,
I try to minimize the ding-ding-ding of the cereal hitting the bowl. It has been known to wake up Natey. Yes, he is too easily awakened in the morning. I know, I should do something about that. Heck... he DOES sleep with a white noise machine...
then sit at the kitchen table, the house all dark and sleeping except for my little corner of warm light, and I eat my breakfast while praying over the Daily Readings,
Or at least... trying. Did I pack all the lunches? Didn't I forget Nate's milk? Do my students have a quiz today? Did Roy remember to set the alarm? Do the Boys REALLY need to go out that badly? Was I supposed to call that student's parents? When was the last time I dusted around here for heaven's sake? Darn it, what was that Responsorial Psalm again? Do good intentions count for anything?
until, right on cue, Natey summons me at 5:45
Yes, I've tried letting him cry himself back to sleep. No, it didn't work. He puts himself to sleep at bedtime and anytime during the night that he stirs, but not at 5:45. Not ever. I am not ready to be up and about at 5:45. Can you tell this is a sore spot??
at which point I open his door, lift him--whimpering--out of his crib, and settle into our little nurse-and-cuddle.
We drift off to sleep (for a few minutes) again together, and, for all the hand wringing about his sleep (or lack thereof), I breathe in his baby-smell, nestle him into the curve of my body, and think
I will miss this someday. Soon.
